Think about it: the courtship (advertising), going out (media placement), the chat-up (point- of-sale promotion), meeting the parents (brand building), hanging out together (increased sales).
After a while, you either grow apart and split up (switching brands) or settle down and have kids (brand loyalty).
So, if everybody plays the dating game and everybody has a pair of trainers, the metaphor works.
Consider this thirtysomething scenario: you lose your shoe virginity to a pair of Dunlop Greenflash and spend your early dating years with a succession of comfy Reeboks.
With more confidence, you move into your fit Nike phase and then meet the adidas of your dreams, but following a hasty engagement, you are left at the altar.
Heart-broken, you decide to go completely off-piste and try a New Balance.
After a period of playing the field with Puma, Le Coq Sportif, Converse (and one carefree moment with a pair of Skechers), you find your soul mate: a pair of retro Golas.
Extracting my tongue from my cheek now, there is a serious point to be made: in a market crowded with good-looking sports shoes, how do you choose?
For the overwhelming majority of us born pre-Nike's formation in 1971, it cannot be because we seek to emulate the finely-tuned, physiological anomalies that endorse them.
Is it technology, design or advertising?
Performance, comfort or fashion?
And unlike the dating game, you can have more than one.
Indeed, the sports apparel category permits the cross-pollination of brands unlike any other, mainly because "sports apparel" is a misnomer: admitted or not by the manufacturers, upwards of 90 per cent of purchases are bought for non-sport use.
If beauty really were in the eye of the beholder, advertising wouldn't matter.
Equally, just because we love the Nike ads doesn't mean we necessarily wear Nikes.
No, buying a particular brand of trainers is a subjective choice on the part of the individual, like choosing a partner.
You invest a serious amount of your time and the shoe has to fit.
If it doesn't, splitting up is inevitable.
Dumping a sports shoe brand is easier because nobody gets hurt.
The rejection of an inanimate object leaves no hard feelings or late-night drunken phone calls for which to apologise.
And yes, you can still be friends.
The love might have gone with one pair, but there are plenty more shoes in the mall. Single and trainer-less is no fun.
Shop around, enjoy the selection process, gossip about the latest ad campaign and remember, don't be afraid of getting busted by the Logo Police!
In this category, uncool can be cool, out-of-date is retro and there really is, something for everyone.
A final cautionary note: whichever and however you choose, you are still a human billboard.
Buying and wearing a sports brand can be a form of fashion insurance to safeguard against criticism.
Before the credit card leaves your wallet, think about who is "pulling" whom...