But in marketing communications, we don't do that. We'd say, "We kind of like open on an intriguing shot blah blah slow-mo blah blah Tarsem blah blah ramping blah blah black-and-white blah blah orange skies blah blah Traktor blah blah nice sound design blah blah needs 90 seconds ..." Hollywood, for all its faults, has got it right.
But don't take my word for it. Cut to BBH's John Hegarty. "If you can't phone it over, as someone once said, then it probably isn't a good idea. You should be able to write the idea down, in one paragraph, if not in one sentence." Adrian Holmes, chief creative officer of Lowe & Partners Worldwide, concurs heartily. "The best test of a commercial is to be able to say, it's the one where - And the next seven to 10 words tell you what happens."
Ah, so you think I'm displaying Old Guard thinking? Try youthful David Droga, the worldwide creative leader at Publicis. Droga does not accept ideas in script form. "I want to see just a paragraph to start with, and then I can be sure there's an idea in it. It's so easy to get lost in the technique that surrounds a commercial."
And that's the nub of the issue. Technique that conceals clarity, if in fact there was ever any clear thinking in the first place. The fact that TV commercials are obscure, unclear, and overloaded with technique contributes mightily to their demise as an advertising option. They are rapidly losing their efficacy, a reality made more dangerous when so many advertisers increasingly don't want, can't afford and can't justify television advertising. Holmes is adamant about how TV ideas should be developed.
"First be clear, then be clever. But clarity of message has become unfashionable. I always get the impression that some people think that to be understood is somehow reprehensible." Being "cutting edge" and "breaking the rules" are familiar excuses for technique-driven dross. Steve Henry of Howell Henry Chaldecott Lury, London puts it all into context: "We build emotional bridges between brands and consumers. But if you want to innovate, it's a balancing act. You can play radical games with form and structure, but you are on the borderline - will you lose the emotional engagement with people? On the other hand, writing something that emotionally engages may not be enough. Unless it is done in a new way it will get lost in the clutter." Break the rules by all means, he says, just make sure the consumer goes with you. When HHCL did the Big Orange Man for Tango, they were far from barking mad. As Steve tells us, they first identified the emotion they needed. "You have to look at what everyone else is doing in the market. You have to analyse the assumptions that other advertisers have made." They strategically took Tango into territory that was British, real and gritty, and people engaged with it.
Of course, directors must come in for their share of the blame, too.
A film director's job is to add 20 per cent more value to the idea, not to hijack it. Roy Grace, who created 25 of America's all-time best 100 commercials, says directors are like "dogs at fire hydrants ... they want to make the idea their own." That's why Holmes says creatives have to act as the idea police: "Your main task is to make sure that no one loses sight of what the film is about."
Graham Fink, a director at the Paul Weiland Film Company, has the last word: "If you've got a good idea, you don't have to try too hard to make it a great commercial. The idea is the most important thing."
Back to Hollywood. The biggest grossing movies always have a story. A story is a great way to deliver an idea. End of commercial.