OFF THE VINE: When truth is way weirder than fiction

<p>Renowned marketing guru Gregg Ainsworth has left Allied Domecq! </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>Vine is almost in shock, having relied on Gregg for an endless supply of </p><p>bizarre anecdotes and groan-worthy jokes for the last couple of </p><p>years. </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>But he's not leaving us with nothing - in fact, true to form, he put </p><p>together a list of Top 10 Reasons to explain his departure from the </p><p>drinks giant, and we are proud to present them to you now. </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>1) "I am no longer able to keep the requisite straight face when I say, </p><p>'We'd really like to do that, but it's the Chinese symbol for </p><p>death'." </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>2) Since I joined, my hair's gone grey, I've put on five kilos and I've </p><p>had important parts of my anatomy removed. </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>3) You've heard all my jokes at least twice now. </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>4) After five great years, a sixth would be asking too much (much like </p><p>that "difficult second album"). </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>5) There are absolutely NO other Everton fans, and it gets lonely. </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>6) If I see one more project name that starts with 'aD', I will </p><p>spontaneously combust and go on a looting spree. </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>7) I can neither spell Laffroygue nor pronounce Islay. </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>8) My friends are sick of me getting shirty every time they order a </p><p>Bailey's or Jack Daniels. </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>9) Just one person too many has said, 'Ooh, that must be a hard job, hee </p><p>hee'. </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>10) I have to disprove my own theory that Allied Domecq has the most </p><p>unique combination of terrific people and beautiful brands that has ever </p><p>existed." </p><p><BR><BR> </p><p>Vine is looking to confirm rumours that Gregg will now be leading a life </p><p>as a female impersonator. Let us know if you hear anything. </p><p><BR><BR> </p>