Dogs have done nothing to earn Ad Nut's goodwill and everything to earn Ad Nut's very justified, very documented, entirely proportionate suspicion. And now Dyson wants to give them better hair than Ad Nut.
One of Ad Nut's minions slid a press release under the oak tree door this morning before the coffee was finished, before the tail was groomed, before Ad Nut had steeled itself for the indignities of the day—to announce the Dyson Beauty Pet Range. A full lineup of thoughtfully designed products for cats, dogs, and one that Ad Nut is still processing: horses.
Ad Nut has long considered dogs to be murderous beasts. And nothing will change its mind. A well-groomed murderous beast is still a murderous beast. A wolf in Armani is still a wolf. A shark in a tuxedo is still a shark. And a golden retriever with Dyson-engineered volume, bounce, and a sweeping asymmetric finish is still one enthusiastic lunge away from upending Ad Nut's entire nut burial infrastructure.
Ad Nut has never understood how Dyson convinced an entire civilisation that spending upwards of US$500 on a hairdryer is a lifestyle necessity. Yet here the brand is, pointing that same magnificent audacity at the animal kingdom. The range includes an Airwrap for cats (precision curling of "delicate chest fluff" and "whisker-adjacent waves" — the phrase will now live rent-free in Ad Nut's head); a supersized Airstrait for equine manes "suitable for any show ring"; and the Supersonic Dapper, a poodle-specific dryer whose name alone has caused Ad Nut to stare into the middle distance twice before noon.
The horse offering is inspired—horses are large, dignified, and constitutionally unbothered by squirrels. The cat Airwrap earns grudging respect, too. Cats understand grooming the way Ad Nut understands grooming: seriously, personally, and with consequences for anyone who interrupts the process. Dogs, as always, are the problem. So apparently, does the reader. At the bottom of the press release, Dyson reveals all of this is an April Fool's joke.
All of it. Haha, you believed it. Ad Nut watched you lose your mind over the poodle volume and cat whiskers. Ad Nut is not sorry.
To be fair, Ad Nut almost believed it too.
The cat Airwrap is convincing, and Ad Nut grieves its non-existence. Though let's be honest, Ad Nut's tail has never once required a Dyson for volume, bounce, or flounce. And no cat, however Airwrapped or expensively coiffed, will ever look quite as good as the banner image above. Some things are natural gifts. Sadly for cats, this is not one of them.
 Ad Nut is a surprisingly literate woodland creature that for unknown reasons has an unhealthy obsession with advertising. Ad Nut gathers ads from all over Asia and the world for your viewing pleasure, because Ad Nut loves you. You can also check out Ad Nut's Advertising Hall of Fame, or read about Ad Nut's strange obsession with 'murderous beasts'. |
Source: Campaign Asia-Pacific
